Can't smile x2

2009-12-31T22:41:00.002+08:00

Last day of 2009;

Loads of memories, too much.
With 106; with dancers; with batch 1996.

I am trying to upload ALL th photos, if i got no time, I will edit tmrw, please be patient, thank you (:

2009-12-31T22:23:00.002+08:00

Lazy to post xD
Slacked much today ~ wheee ~
I gonna be kicked out of nan hua soon ):
New principal, new expectation ):
which means, I dont think she will let me stay in NHHS, unlike dr foo so good ):
*cries* can say bye bye to 206rians & dancers, omfgggg.

woke up at 12.04pm, so late right, LOL.
woke up & ate maggie mee, cooked by my kor, thanks [:
started using laptop, go blog & facebook & msn.
DAMN, SOLO NOT ONLINE ): he went to work as waiter o.o''
[ he told me he got fingers cramp, cus is damn bloody heavy.. aww... ): ]
Yuequn asked me out to play basketball ><'' damn me, havent done hmwk & dk how play lah, cant get to see him ): I think he play basketball is cuteee ~ wheee ~
Chatted with kevin, jonathan & darren on facebook through commenting a photo ! X: crazyy.
Changed to MSN w/o kevin lah. & I added xuejing & joanna (:
Chatted ~ Whee ~
-skip skip skip skip skip skip-
Went out, went tiong bahru. [:
bought 3 assessment book & 1 math guide. X:
bought a cute pen, :DDDD love it !
Went to eat KFC, gonna be fatter, how to dance ):
KFC's song - Umbrella, Love game, I'm yours. ( got two songs, like hip hop songs, dk what's that )
Reached home & came online to post lah !

What if I love you as much as I love dance ? ♥

2009-12-30T13:32:00.002+08:00

For god's sake, today is th 30th december 2009 ! screamm*
I havent even done any homework.
Pathetic. Hopeless. Useless.
I can just go die, or just bang my head against th wall lah !
What a long holiday, yet I only slack. & slack. & slack.

I felt like crying, ytd is like th last practice of 2009.
In just a few days, I am going to be a sec 2.
A senior that going to lead sec 1 next year.
Lead.. Is really tough.
Set a good example.. Might be tougher.
- good attire, oh-damn.
- good displine, think of my class please ! ! !

anw, sec 2s, please don't be upset or worried we sec 1s will be upset & etc//.
1st, I personally don't blame you all, not even one of you.
2nd, I think your have done a really great job in leading us, teaching us, helping us, so claps (:
3rd, I have to say a BIG THANK YOU to all of you.
lastly, I love you all. whole batch'95, ♥
I am grateful that my batch is under batch'95, a fantastic batch that lead us so well.
and yay, we are th first batch under batch'95 :D

I live to dance.

2009-12-29T21:25:00.004+08:00

My one & only christmas present, from Joanna sweetard (:

ORD dance
is screwed up, by me.
being nervous, being scared, idk and i dont want to know.
i am seriously sorry, batch 1996.
letting all your efforts going down th drain.
anw, must say a big THANK YOU to my ''couple'', dijin :D
you know he dont want hold my hand one, but he did this time, hahah (:
and a big THANK YOU to batch'96, love ya, xoxo.

I recieved a christmas present from JOANNA SWEETARD ♥
thank you, it's so expensive lah !
but I love it, so xoxo ♥ ♥

finally saying a note to NICHOLAS :
thank you for th poem :D you stayed up to 4am just to do all those poem{s}. Seriously touched by you ♥ anw, thanks for being such a great chairman, & do come back next year, and next next year, and next next next year & continue to. Good luck for your ''result day'' (: I love you too ♥

Combined practice
-saw melody, ♥ didn't talk to her, awkward much.
did warm-ups in th morning as usual, omfg, i can't do lah, whole body so pain X: I hate myself, alot & alot. Just a simple thing, I can't do it perfectly, or almost as nice as XUEJING. *jealous* ><''
anw yay that ME & ALFREDA, krismin, qilin, rachel, jaslyn, tze you, zi yang, and idk who, got to dance th open house dance on CCA extravangance. (wth, idk th spelling). must train my liu xing ! (:

welcome those schools that came nan hua, :D all dancers, was quite fun. My group leader is phoebe and my group only nan hua member is JIAMIN (: hahah. combined group with pearlynn's. played th squirrel & th tree, cling cling, monkey king ?, concentration, chaki ?, etc. was fun but I dont even feel like playing, LOL. anw, i got a pencil with a stitch sticker on it for th exchange gift programme. [: thank you to th person who bought this. :DDDDD

havent ate dinner. guess what i had eaten today, th whole of today.
morning - nth.
afternoon - ice lemon tea & biscuit & sweet
night - bubble tea.
on diet ? maybe yes / no. but I just dont feel like eating.

ending off,
say YAY to bryan :D
he remembered my name, class & birthday !
ain't he cute > hahah.

2009-12-27T16:40:00.002+08:00

Stress. Stress. Stress.
Stress by homework.
Stress by ord dance.
Stress by everyone.
Stress by youzhuan a.k.a solo. hahah :DDD
honoured to see your big name on my blog > you should !
see lah, this sec 4 senior, always chat with me on facebook,
not chat, nag & nag & nag, lol joking xD
he's a really nice senior I love (:
a senior always be there for me, helping me, giving me advice.
oh my god, why is he so nice to me, yay xp
happy now, my senior who loves to wheeeeeeee & wheeeeeeeee -.-
I ain't sad, I am happy :D
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

2009-12-26T18:23:00.005+08:00

福氣又安康

easy fortune happy life

Have been watching this show th whole day, a super nice show & touching.
陳喬恩 as Hsien fu an (:
Her younger brother as Peter Hsien fu jiu [:
Her dog as Anthony, super cutee ~
Yuen da fong super hot & shuaii :D
Han dong jie is like a super close friend to Hsien fu an lah ! xD
Must watch ! X: I don't think youtube have, I bought DVD :DDDD

2009-12-25T16:36:00.002+08:00

Haw ParVilla trip :D
Was fun (: love this trip !

Photos : (edited @ picnik.com/)

2009-12-25T15:46:00.001+08:00

Happy 13th birthday,

NATALIE !

whee, you are way thirdteen :D

love ya, xoxo. forever sisters. xD

stay pretty & cute always ! (:

smile kay ? [:

Not forgetting, MERRY CHRISTMAS to this little innocent cutie pie xD

Sincerely hope natalie eng xue yu love this edited photo though is like so screwed X: sorry ><''

Merry christmas everyone, may santa go your house & give you a nice present :D

} HUIPING ♥

2009-12-24T18:50:00.006+08:00

Class 206'10 ; 40 of us ♥

UNIQUE & PERFECT//.

206'10 is on third floor, above staffroom :D

Next year must exercise loads ! X:

Anyway, I love 106'09 / 206'10 (:

Batch 1996, I love you peepo more loads ! ♥

Today woke up, on phone, saw his message. I read again & again. I am like really scared at that moment. Started crying & told xuejing & joanna.

Don't scare me ): seriously lah//.

He told me. Yes, he. He fallen for me ? Idk how to reply him, I just gave some stupid & random reply. Sorry i I ever hurt you ><''

} HUIPING ♥

2009-12-22T11:39:00.004+08:00

I miss you ♥

I really do miss my ''sec 3 brother''//.

Th pink heart belongs to me ;

and th blue heart belong to you.

No matter where you are, in some rich family, poor family, or in heaven/hell,

you are still my brother.

How I wished I was th one dead & not you.

Life is so tough for me, I rather you take my place & I am sure you will live happily :D

God, when can I see him ? not once in my dream ?

Or maybe I saw him, but I just dk him.

Because Idk how he looks like.

Kor, I really miss you ):

I only told this matter to gavin & darren.f. please keep it to yourself.

I really cried when I started to think of this matter & when I am telling gavin / darren.f.

It's too painful for me to know, or tell someone.

} HUIPING ♥

edited//.

chatted with cythia peh from 101, nice chat (: and knew alot of things from her.

we are talking about those people, those BIG MOUTH people, keep spread rumours, and is ALL fake one. some people, idk who, say that cythia & kenzi are together, stead ? they are NOT ><''

heard from her that people spread rumour about me liking gavin & my best friend is xuejing and they likes each other. WHATEVER//. I seriously hate gavin now okays, get this clear please !

Is spreading rumours so fun ? then I shall help spread those BIG MOUTH people too !

XUEJING WANTS TO SLAP THEM, WHILE I WANT TO KICK THEM TO lala land !

2009-12-20T20:01:00.005+08:00

I hate myself

What th hell okay ! everything is my fault, is all mine ! you are always, forever correct ! whatever happens, th problem lies with me me me ! so what you are my parents ?! so what you are older than me ?! so what so what ?! since your oh-so-hate me, then sell me away ! kill me ! I don't need parents who don't love me. I don't need this fucking family, not at all. why do you even born me out ?! since I had to suffer so much, I rather I don't have a life okay ! everything is just my fault lah my fault lah ! hate me so much ?! kill me straight ! If your can't ''bear'' to kill me, I can kill myself. There's always a method.

Whatever, fucking family I have. Don't love me, go die lah. HE ALREADY DON'T LOVE ME, WHY CAN't YOUR LOVE ME !? I cried because he don't love me, what's more my own parents, MY OWN PARENTS don't love their DAUGHTER ! should I cry until I died ?!

I hate myself to th core that th fact nobody loves me ! Why can't I be loved ? Why ? because I am too ugly, for a guy ? Then I don't need a guy who minds about appearance, what a bastard. because I ain't as nice, as kind, as helpful, as her ? Then sorry, I am me. This is me. Don't expect me to be perfect.

GIVING HIM UP IS SO PAINFUL, GIVING UP MY OWN PARENTS IS MUCH MORE TOUGH. why do your want to hurt me ?! why it is always me ?! then your will start again saying that because th problem lies with me me me ! then blame me ! I don't need HIM anymore, idoit. I hate HIM okay ! fine, it's all my fault. I want to leave nan hua because of him, I want to leave 106 because of him, I want to leave my house because of my fucking parents. I want to escape th reality. I want to run, as fast as I could. to somewhere where someone would love me//.

2009-12-18T22:05:00.002+08:00

Happy 13th birthday, TanYiXuan ♥

wheee, yay-ness :D you are 13 years old, with me me me me ! xD
Have a sweet birthday & stay cute always ! -smile foreverr-

Slacked much today, mainly maple & chatting w/ weiquan. (:
thanks weiquan, for all those 'cheer up' & etc. [:
yayness, tmrw can go for dance dance dance dance ♥

2009-12-17T22:51:00.002+08:00

I want to SMILE like this PIGLET ♥

I guess too much hurtful things, or rather too much hurtful truth I had heard today make me felt like crying, making me can't smile at all.

Ziyang; one of th batch guys in batch 1996.
People's opinion / impression of him - retarded, blur.
My opinion - cutee (not this point), he ain't retarded, he needs help from his own batch, //.

We are dancers, a batch. exactly 35 of us. 5 guys & 1 girl left, left 29 of us. No matter how big our batch is, we are foreverr a batch, ♥ speed & alert are important, so is bonding ? ziyang needs our helps, so as a batchmate, we should, ain't we ? worse, th guys are like leaving him ALL ALONE. -sometimes I rather I am a guy, just to get closer to him help him, understanding what exactly he needs- anw, it's no one's fault, but next year. Yes, next year when we are going to be sec two, a senior. going to lead # just try our best okay ?

End off with, I love exactly 29 of you, ♥. A perfect & unique batch. ( not forgetting joaquim & kenzi♥)

} HUIPING ♥

2009-12-16T22:25:00.004+08:00

The sky is crying.

I just felt that, today practically, I wasted my whole day. Everyone is trying their best to add in new moves & dance well, and I was there, feeling so useless & hopeless. Sorry girls//. [ I wanted to like kope from some random videos, but someone said is copy then it's not good ]

My mum bought a big big piglet for me, ♥ love it, xoxo. I want baby eeyore, but my mum say buy bigger then can hugggg ! :D

Me thinking too much ? or are you th one doing too much to hurt me ? IDK, I have no idea, and I don't want to know. Your heart belongs to her, I have no right to interfere. but, ... we are still friends no matter what ? I can't feel it, and someone told me you don't care. So if i break th friendship with you, you will be happy right ? anw, you don't even care, so break up is just a small matter yeah. Stop pretending you are hurt/sad, cus' I see it through. Stop all th acting. It's all over between us. -complete strangers-

} HUIPING ♥

2009-12-15T16:46:00.007+08:00

Why leave me alone.

last night had a sweet dream, a real sweet one. ♥ can your believe a guy, a hot & handsome guy, held my hand ?! X: he was of course sweet to me, but is just a dream. Love don't come true in real life, right ?

Why should I even give a damn, give a bother, when you don't ? Is it worth for me to do so much things for you ? Why can't you appreciate or feel it ? I give up. TOTALLY. I just feel that YOU LEAVE ME ALL ALONE by myself. I have to settle things by myself. suffering by myself. all kept in my heart, in quiet.

} HUIPING ♥

edited//.

Idk what's th damn damn problem with you you'know. I love dance, I live to dance, dance is my cca. If you are oh-so-unhappy about it, then tell dr foo expel me out of nan hua. because i wont help any other schools to dance, but nan hua high. I don't mind I don't have a beautiful future, but I mind I lost my pride of dancing with nan hua rians, dancers. If you don't know anything, then I am sorry, shut up. you hurt me over & over again, making me cry over & over again. I just don't understand what's so bad about dancing ? and you wanted me to get into dance. you wanted me to come nan hua. so what's th damn problem with you now ? not once, nor twice, nor thrice, but fourth. I had enough, really. I won't quit dance just because of you. I won't do anything to please you & not pleasing myself. I hate you over this matter you know ? stop making trouble ! X:

I want to say th ' F ' word, but I bear, and bear & bear ! I really hope you can see this post & see how much I hated you, but too bad, you don't know english !

I LOVE DANCING, I HATE YOU //.

2009-12-14T13:52:00.006+08:00

Can't smile, x2.

thanks for relinking me & sorry for the trouble yeah, xD
wanted to make it a private blog & delete my previous blog,
but decided not to uh//.
Anw, I won't post too often when school reopens;
so doesn't matter if your link my new blog or not.

} HUIPING ♥

edited//.
wtf is wrong with me ?! what is the damn problem with me ?! why am i th one always quarrelling with GAVIN over small matters ?! why am i always th one hurting GAVIN ?! why can't i just make him happy, smile ?! why am i so hopeless ?! so useless ?! making him sad again & again ! you know i really want to break up with him just to see him smile ?! but i cant. I can't lose him... I know i can't ... really. I can't get him out of mind, out of my heart... I am a BIG BIG FAILURE. Know th reason why I can't smile ? because... I lose him. again & again. falling down again &again;> ~~crying again & again.~~ ~~-Can your believe I cried today ? --> because I quarrelled with th guy I like-d before ?-~~